Friday, June 16, 2006

Dr Willis Is Really Starting To Drive Me Nuts

He's become an objectivist now. So now - at $122.77 per session, mind you - I have to listen to him banging on and on and on about how A is A and there can be no compromise between good and evil and if you choose any part of evil (black) you will become grey(corrupt). NEWSFLASH Dr Willis that's not very theraputic, especially when you wear the scary white metal mask and jump around on the furniture.

Still, it is nice to be told I'm a heroic being (damn right Dr Willis) and that my own happiness is the moral purpose of my life! YEEEAH! I always knew that was true. Also, I can't change reality by just wishing it were different. I mean, I have been able to in the past, usually on adventures involving wishing wells or mystic wish-granting rings, but that isn't the case any more. As Dr Willis would say in his scary monotone voice, Man must deal with reality by understanding it, accounting for its constraints, and interacting with it in accordance with one's power to effectuate material changes consistent with one's rational desires.

Which is what I was doing when I punched Dr Willis in the face.

I probably got caught in the moment. Anyway, I put an extra $10 on the check, so hopefully he'll still agree to see me next week - I don't know if I could handle finding another therapist right now, and some of that objectivist jazz really was making sense to me. I mean, say what you like, A isn't B.

I'm going to have to start effectuating a few more material changes around here, like getting my wallet back and getting the bank to issue me a new credit card and also getting rid of Bob, who's eaten all my food that was clearly marked with my superhero symbol like a god-damned hog. I had a whole steak that I was saving for dinner and he cooked and ate the damn thing while I was seeing Dr Willis. And then he said it was cool because I could help myself to a breadstick any time I wanted one. I mean, that's pretty goddamn grey (corrupt) if you ask me.

When the hell am I going to be able to eat steak again? It's not cheap. Oh yeah, also I need a proper paying case to solve, seeing as The Adventure Of The Desecration Of My Wife's Grave And Also Theft Of $175 Bucks And My Credit Card seems to have petered out. Apparently there's a missing cat in the neighbourhood so we'll see where that goes, and if Mr Levin is sleeping around like Mrs Levin keeps screaming through the wall, she might require a certain no-longer-ductile detective to try and catch him doin' the mambo. As we call it in the super-hero game. It's not exactly fighting Le Fromage Fou in the beautiful bohemian quarters of Paris, but I'll take whatever I can get right now.

One lucky break - I managed to get some free legal representation! Skeets apparently has some serious legal knowledge, although when I talked to Booster about it on the phone, he sounded like he was freaking out about something. He kept asking me about my reach and if there was anything I wasn't smelling. I mean the things I am smelling are bad enough because they're huge puddles of pee. Anyway, all I know is I have a binding agreement with him to get use of Skeets for one day a week. I figure I'll only need him one day to sort all this out once and for all, so as long as nothing happens to Booster next week, Bob is GONE by the end of the month.

Finally things are going my way!


Blogger SUPERNOVA!!!!! said...

Do you smell something? Really, I mean it.

Oh, yes, can you send me a picture of you and your wife? I'll put it in my costume.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Hey, I just found you're blog. Welcome to the blogoverse. I hope you have a pleasant stay.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Ralph Dibny said...

HAH! How about I send you a picture of ME AND YOU, Booster. I'll copy it down from when we were both on TV. Remember that? Hmmmmmm?


3:28 PM  
Blogger SUPERNOVA!!!!! said...

HA! Then give me Skeets back, you ingrateful plastic man. I hope you rot in hell!!

If I could've saved your wife I would have told you, but no, you had to get emotional and cry!

Ji intergalactic cowboy, from the time I'm from the cowboy are extinct.

And what happened to Jean? Has RAM found her already?

3:56 PM  
Blogger The Watcher Uatu said...

The sequence of events unfurling within your universe has caused reality ripples even throughout the omniverse. Hence I have applied a minor fraction of my vast intelligence to reviewing even the most miniscule of happenings in your world's superhero community.

I know now how your lost wallet shall affect the cohension of space-time, and as a Watcher it is unthinkable that I could become invested in the outcome of your search, but I nevertheless intend to watch this blog scrupulously as additional information transpires.

5:43 PM  
Blogger The Watcher Uatu said...

Interdimensional string fluctuations caused a typo in my previous comment. It should have read: "I know _not_ how your lost wallet..."

5:46 PM  
Blogger Deadpool said...

My sidekicks say they're psychatrists(sp? more than likely). You could hire them if you want.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Ralph Dibny said...

We're not having another interdimensional crisis, are we? I might have to comment about it if we are. On television. I'm a TV star now.

What are you talking about, Booster? I don't have Skeets. If you don't have him either, then he's obvious floating around somewhere BEING REALLY CREEPY like he was at your place.

4:06 AM  

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