Friday, May 26, 2006

Nothing Happened This Week

It's been a couple of weeks since the unpleasantness with the alternate earths and the killing and the shouting and all and my therapist thinks I should start keeping a journal of my inner thoughts and feelings. Well screw you Dr Willis. If you were any kind of therapist I wouldn't respond to a serious global emergency by sticking a goddamned gun in my mouth. I blame you for the last three suicide attempts, you quack. You're just lucky I can't afford a real therapist so I have to put up with your bargain basement Jungian crap.

So anyway, I pulled the big reveal on Cassie last week. I was all Mister Cool Detective, pulling out the polaroid and saying 'Hey, upside down this means... resurrection!' It was great. I felt like I was an actual proper detective solving a proper crime, not a miserable failure who has to investigate why his odometer's wrong.

I despise myself.

Anyway, suddenly I had this wave of nausea. I mean, this is supposed to be about my dead wife, not my own feelings of self-empowerment. (Yeah, Dr Willis, I learned one of your giant quack words. Bite me.) So I turned around and walked straight out before she could even say anything. And then I threw up outside, all over this statue of Superboy nailed to a cross made out of Barry Allen's face. That was just the last thing I needed so I ran away.

So after that experience I spent all of this week sitting in my hotel room. Mostly weeping.

The same thing happened just after I visited my wife's grave after it got vandalised - I said I was going to solve that mystery, and then like an idiot I tried to wiggle my nose like I used to and it just gave this pathetic twitch. So I ran away again, with the cemetary guy asking was I okay and did I need a hot beverage - I just ran back to my wrecked house and curled up under half a wardrobe for... jesus, it was days.

Anyway, I've got to do something to get myself out of this fog, so I'm taking Dr Willis's crappy journal advice. Hopefully I might manage to get something done by next week's entry. I'm not sure.

Possibly the week after. I need my pills.