Saturday, January 13, 2007

Ellen Has A "Feeling"

I got an email from Ellen Baker - apparently she had a 'feeling' that came to her from the general direction of space, and she started crying in the middle of doing the laundry and then her kids came out to ask if there was any jelly left or had they eaten it all.

So obviously Buddy is dead.

As opposed to being alive in deep space which is what she claimed he was before despite all evidence to the contrary. Frankly, I was perfectly okay with all that because it meant I wouldn't have to spend any money on getting my suit cleaned for the funeral or buying flowers, but now because Mrs Baker's had one of her 'cryptic space feelings' I have to go to the drycleaners again and buy a wreath.

Personally, I think the fact that I had to go to her funeral should absolve me from attending Buddy's. We're all standing about in the pissing rain listening to him fall apart and then a week later he calls me up and acts surprised when I mention it. "Actually, that was all just a dream, Ralph! I guess you were having a dream too. Or something. Ciao for now!"

I'll tell you who wasn't having a strange dream, Buddy. My drycleaner! Who charged me $15.99 for services rendered during the course of that strange dream! And the florist! And the greeting card store! And who do you think bought that nice headstone? I put five bucks into the hat like everyone else! So in total your unpleasant dream cost me $89.99 plus tax. I hope Ellen's got time between sobbing tears of pure portent to write me a juicy check.

I had what I considered a frank and civilised discussion with Buddy about it at the time, but apparently I yelled at him so loudly that it frightened him into a parallel-universe coma. Which is Buddy all over, quite frankly.

Or was.

Oh well! It's only a space feeling, after all. I'm sure he's fine. And it's not like there isn't a dry-cleaning machine in the Ralphcave that I can use for free (it's just next to the robot tyrannosaur) so I only really have to spend money on flowers.

Anyway, it's not like a proper superhero died! When Superman died they started a whole bunch of tasteless internet jokes about it. Well, actually, that was me... anyway, I don't see why I should be feeling upset just because Buddy's kicked the bucket - and probably only as part of some odd dream I'm having, knowing him.

I mean, it's... it's only Buddy.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to sign off for a while. Or possibly forever, depending on whether I can find a chupa chup for the gun barrel. Ciao for now!


Blogger Wonder Girl said...

Speaking of weird dreams about things that didn't "happen"... do you guys some times think our entire reality some times just doesn't make much sense? I start wondering about this once in a while, but I get these terrible headaches.

For example, Buddy's daughter. I saw a picture of her from Buddy's JLE days and she was six years old, and that was years ago. She is still six years old now! What the heck is going oAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Where am I? What were we talking about? Pudding? Yes, I love pudding. Do you love pudding? I like chocolate pudding.

5:20 PM  
Blogger Iceman said...

I think guys from your reality have the Superboy Prime punching thingie to explain all the weird stuff there.

10:24 PM  

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