Sunday, April 01, 2007

DragonKoans™ - The Koan That Won't Make You Moan™!

Hi, I'm Richard Dragon™.

I was sorry to hear about the passing of Ralph Dibny (pat. pending), perhaps the most fascinating of my students - that is, of those students who failed me, Richard Dragon™, by being utterly useless and unable to grasp even the first principles of the Richard Dragon System™. In the face of such tragedy, I mused with my incredible Richard Dragon Thoughts™, even the most Dragonneriffic™ devotee of the Richard Dragon System™ might find his or herself left stranded, far from the blissful shores of Dragonirvana™, flailing on the rocks of confusion.

If only there was a Zen Koan they could use in such an occasion - one that was picked out especially for them, to meet their needs... your needs. The needs of a man or woman on the go in a fast-paced world. Your world. Koans with a minty freshness that makes you ruler of the boardroom - or the bedroom. Koans that leave your skin feeling smooth, soft, moisturised. Koans that are ph-balanced for you.

If only they had... DragonKoans™.

And now... they do.

You do.

DragonKoans™.

They're a new kind of Koan. A you kind of Koan. A Koan that's proud to be American™.

DragonKoans™.

It's the sound of one hand clapping... clapping you. Applauding you for being the very best you can be. For being the very Zennest™ you can be. For reaching above and beyond. For reaching the stars. For reaching your wallet and pulling out a mere $29.99 plus tax per Koan.

DragonKoans™.

We'll select a Zen™ Koan that's right for you, with the help of expert Koanalysis™ from Fat Steve the Telepathic Monk. A Koan picked fresh from your favourite movie, pop song. or Mature-Readers comic book. A Koan that will make you feel more than just enlightened... it'll make you feel Dragonlightened™. We've got this great one about a goose that we ripped off from some wierd anti-government comic that the kids all dug back in the nineties or whenever. If you're into Blink 182 or Linkin Biscuit you'll probably love it. It's the perfect thing for when your adopted dad's locked himself in a cave for days and when he comes out he looks kind of wierd and he's smiling in a way that suggests serious sexual deviancy. And he won't speak. Not for days. He'll just touch himself.

That's when other kids would start crying.

That's when you reach for a DragonKoan™ and fill yourself with the Dragonlightenment™ you deserve.

All rights reserved.

Also this week - a seminar from Rama Kushna™, the glowing face that respects your space™, on 'Snapping Necks - The Fast-Track Route To Wisdom'. Hope to see more attendance there than there was last week.

This has been a public service announcement.

1 Comments:

Blogger Wonder Girl said...

swift1I don't want to get off topic here, but I have a question and... ooh ooh! Wait, wait, wait! I got a koan here:

If Green Arrow has sex in the forest, and there is nobody to hear him. Does he have to pay for child support?

What was I going to ask? Oh, yes, I remember now. What the heck happened to Black Adam? He was all like "Huh, Huh, I am going to kill you all, huh, huh, cause I am dumb!" and then nothing. Did he get tired of killing so many innocent civilians in Bialya? I even joined the Titans last weekend to stop his rampage. And holy Zeus! They let any boring idiot who can shoot lasers out of his hand in there these days. I spent an hour talking to Kid Devil. AN HOUR! That's one hour of my life I'll rather spend being punched in the tits by Darkseid. And now Black Adam stops killing people, so it was all for nothing? There is no justice in this world.

Speaking of Bialya, I am happy to report my little friend Traya is doing much better these days. No dead parents turned into macabre mantel pieces, and no countries of origin massacred this few days. Things are surely looking up! Well, she did break her arm two days ago. But that's because she jumped out of a third floor window. Oh, don't worry, she was not trying to kill herself; she was just jumped out cause her room was on fire... on fire because a small meteorite hit it. But her luck sure seems to be improving!

8:24 AM  

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