Sunday, April 22, 2007

My life has been turned upside down by one shocking change after another!

I was planning to write about the terrible events of what is already being called 'World War III' - much like many other terrible events have been - when the entire world was decimated, as prophecied on the Steve Lombard show, by one of Earth's greatest living legends of swing. But frankly, I think we're all quite aware of the sordid details of that little episode and it would be crass in the extreme to harp on about it in the face of so much global mourning, grieving and assorted bereavement. There are simply too many dead to make light of Black Adam's actions.

Especially considering I was evidently not considered worth killing. How dare he! I'd have considered it an honour to be rent in twain by the man's immaculate fingernails and he knows it. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this whole sordid brouhaha wasn't some callous attempt to snub me. Yeeees, it's all so very clear. He knows I'm his greatest fan. Hasn't he been watching me? Watching me through the walls with his secret X-ray vision that he tells no-one of, so he can watch me? He's never mentioned having X-ray vision - and that's proof he has it. And why would he lie about such a thing unless it was to watch me when I make my ablutions?

Well, there's a space in the cellar for you, Mr Black Adam. I hope you still think that your little game was worth it when I apply the red hot pincers. Oh yes, you'll pay! How you will pay!

Anyway, we shan't talk about Black Adam today. I think you'd rather hear about the wave of shocking changes that have happened in this week, changes that have turned my entire universe upside-down!

For one thing, the superintendant at my apartment block was so horrified by Black Adam's antics that he sank into a terrible depression - and then had a haircut and bought a new shirt! This shirt is a dark shade of blue as opposed to the previous light one, and he's finally snipped off that hideous combover and embraced baldness with dignity. "As the faces of the endless dead flashed through my mind," he told me, "I looked at myself in the mirror, and realised my hair looked ridiculous and cyan wasn't my color. I figured if I was going to meet my maker at the hands of that man, I should get some kind of makeover first."

If you'd told me a year ago that one year later Mr Huggins would be wearing a different shirt and would have gotten rid of the combover he's had for years, I would have been shocked beyond reason. I would have demanded to know how this could have happened. But this isn't the only shocking change that's occurred in my life.

My waiting room has been repainted in off-white, from canary yellow.

I decided to have it done on the spur of the moment. If I had had the opportunity to travel forward in from a year ago to now, one year later, and I had chanced to witness the new soothing shade of my waiting room walls - I would have died of fright. But now that I've lived through this titanic change that has rocked my very world to its foundation, it seems almost like an afterthought - like some mighty yet overworked God shoehorned it in desperately in the middle of something else.

I suppose profound change often hits us like that. Oh, also I quit my psychiatric practice and became a supervillain. But the walls are the important thing.


Blogger universalperson said...

I know its kind of silly, but I'd like to know about your supervilliany. What's you gimmick? Are you more like the Flash Rogues or the Arkham people? Do you like pie?

8:46 AM  
Blogger Dr Robert Willis, Phd said...

Oh, it's nothing to speak of really. I'm just going to use my wealth and power and by psychiatric acumen to crush my enemies and dance upon their bones. It's barely worth mentioning.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Khris said...

Ummm...does this mean our appointment tomorrow is canceled? I was looking forward to hearing your opinions on my new tattoo. It is of a bunny rabbit. Killing my mother. On my forehead. Perfectly normal, right?

9:36 AM  
Blogger universalperson said...

Well, good luck with that all the same.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Dr Robert Willis, Phd said...

All appointments are cancelled until further notice. If you talk to Ms Fernstein at reception, she'll be happy to refund any advance payments you've made for the session.

4:31 PM  
Blogger Matthew said...

You're refunding the advance payments? What kind of villain are you, man?!

8:18 AM  
Blogger Khris said...

Who would've thought when I started seeing you for mild depression a year ago, that now, one year later, I would be a paranoid schizophrenic alcoholic who is up for charges on three murder counts? Man, life really gets you, sometimes...

I'm just glad I came to see you when I did! Imagine where I'd be if I hadn't sought psychiatric help!

8:53 AM  
Blogger Green Arrow said...

I hear you, doc. Just one year ago, who'd have thought a superhero could be a mayor? Apart from Brian K Vaughan, I mean?

Times, they are a'changing, as the man once said. (That man, of course, was me.)

Vote Queen!

3:21 PM  
Blogger Dr Robert Willis, Phd said...

Changing to radioactive vapour, Queen! HA! Cherish your endless 'fact-finding trips' to Amsterdam while you may, because soon both it and you will be dust in the space winds!

5:56 PM  

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