Sunday, April 15, 2007

My rage can be fettered no longer, yumyumlovelycocktails402.

Oh, I see. So it's like that, is it?

Yumyumlovelycocktails402 is not content with auctioning off one of the greatest heroes of music. He then decides to throw him away in one of the most flagrant displays of carelessness it has ever been my displeasure to impotently witness! Not that I mind that Black Adam has been loosed upon the Earth and intends to return to his one-man war against all of humanity (a subsection of animal life on the planet of which I am part), no doubt not ceasing in his horrific frenzy of violence until no single living human is left to disturb his melancholia. Oh no.

No, I'll be happy to lay down my life in such an assault, happy in the knowledge that my rent flesh may in some fashion provide comfort to the King Of Swing! I'll be glad to - wait. Sarcasm isn't really appropriate here. I actually will be quite happy to do that. Perhaps he can do a quick medley before he tears my head off and dropkicks it into a bus full of burning orphans. That'd be nice.

No, what I cannot abide is yumyumlovelycocktails402 now attempting through the medium of eBay to sell me a giant robot.

Has he no shame?

Is there nothing the man will not pimp through the medium of online auctions? And of course he had to pick Sivana's Omnibot. He couldn't have sold Kobra's Hissotron-X or The Penguin's 200-foot high Morgan Freeman Narratodroid. No. He attempts to sell me the Omnibot, knowing full well that it formed part of the set of Godard's 1960 masterpiece A Bout De Souffle.

How dare he.

How dare he. He knows I can't turn this down. That robot is a historic piece of French cinema. He's doing this deliberately, that's what it is. He's deliberately trying to mock me. The sculpture, Black Adam, and now this - it's an orchestrated campaign against me. All of it.

As I remember, Ralph used to get himself in fixes like this. I told him that he was paranoid. Deluded. On the verge of wigging out utterly. I said, if I recall, that such intricate plots to ruin his happiness simply could not be.

Fool that I was! He was right! Right all the time! They were out to get him, and now they're out to get me - especially the eyes! They float with their accusing stares in the very air itself! To think I told him that he needed medication to control himself! If only I'd known the truth - that ghost hands were coming out of the ceiling to steal the things that I love!

Well, I know who's responsible for the ghostly hands. Oh yes. I'll be answering your feedback request, yumyumlovelycocktails402, but not with a positive rating. Oh no. With a bomb.

What's that you say, Ralph? To destroy... is to enjoy? Yes, Ralph, Yes. To destroy is to enjoy. I see that now. And the world will soon see that as well!


Blogger Keith said...

I love this blog. This is my favorite fucking blog of all time.

Please continue with Countdown.

11:20 PM  

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